Doubt

Three days in a row at the 6:30AM.  While I’m getting back into the groove of going to bed early – I still ask a ton of questions and worry a lot in class lately.  It had subsided – but after taking the last couple of months not going consistently and/or training solo – I feel a little anxious in class and a little like I forgot what I need to do.  But I know that will eventually pass.

Today’s workout

Clean Skill Work
+
A. Rear Foot Elevated Split Squat 5x 8-10 each leg
B. Front Squat – taken from the floor (5×5)

Clean skill work was great.  Jarrod wants me to slow down a bit because I am jumping too much and trying to get under the bar too quickly.  Overall they felt good.

Then onto the rear foot elevated split squats.  These suck ass with my left leg.  You’re supposed to just let your leg that sits on the bench just do that…sit on the bench.  However, my left leg is week – as is my right ankle and I found that I was using my non-load-bearing foot propel myself up.  Blech.  I started at 13# in each hand and then went 15, 20, 22.5 x 8, 22.5×6.  Need to work on these mother effers.

Then it was onto the front squat.  I was worried about my bicep hurting on the cleans, so I opted to start at a low weight (95#) and it went up and I fell into the squat clean pretty easy and without pain.  Squats were cake – too easy.  I went over the Jarrod to explain that I couldn’t possibly do the clean heavier than that and what to do.  He told me to try and if not, go off the rack.  I walked away, concerned.  Then I just did it went ahead and did it.  I haven’t cleaned anything heavier than 100# in months – but decided to go for it.  If I felt pain, I would stop.  Tried to get out of my own head.  105, 115, 120, 125.  I was a bit worried about 125, but picked it up and it was like a feather.  I was in the squat position, bar in the front rack, and my hands just let go of the bar.  Did my squats and was good to go.  Wanted to test my clean after the workout – but decided to be smart about it and not push it.

I’m not going to lie.  I am tired of getting my hopes up that I’m getting better and then get injured again.  But I think that I am being overly cautious – which is making me doubt myself in workouts and ask questions that are ultimately unnecessary.  I need to have confidence in myself and push myself a little bit further than I am.  I know the difference between pain because I’m pushing myself and getting stronger and pain as in “that doesn’t feel right and I should stop.”  I need to remember that I know this difference and have confidence as I go into workouts.  doubt


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