Feel the Fear

One of my goals was do to get my shoulder better and do Grace Rx.  Craic has been doing a lot of prep for Barbells for Boobs – which they will be holding on Friday, November 1st.  I have kept it cautious and thought that if I did B4B next year, I’d do 65# like last year and see if I could improve my time.  But if you read last year’s post – my main takeaway from the 2012 Barbell for Boobs was that I couldn’t wait to do Rx in 2013.  Truth is, my shoulder is feeling better – but I am really scared.  I’m scared about hurting myself again.  I’m scared about actually doing the Rx weight and crashing and burning.  I’m scared of a DNF.  I’m scared about putting myself back on a path to being better only to have something derail my progress again.   Blargh!

Today, our workout was 3 rounds of 10 clean and jerks with 2:00 rest in between.  I was going to go the safe route and do 65#.  Jarrod, pushing me a bit – suggested I do one round at 65#, another at 75#, and the third at 85#.  But then I saw Judy L.’s bar sitting on the floor at 95# and decided to do a couple of reps to see how it felt.  It was heavy, but there was no pain when I clean and jerked it up.  I looked at Judy and she just said “Do it.  Do it!” and I thought what the hell – I would try and worse case was that I could drop the weight if the rounds became untenable.  So I started.  First round was okay.  My first rep I completely hyper extended my back. I think just getting the jitters out.  I decided to do singles and re-group at the bottom.  Not sure if that’s the best strategy – but it’s what I planned to do.  The last couple of reps in the first round got tough (Jarrod also gave me a queue to use my hips more) and then I started over thinking the clean.  Second round felt about the same as the first round except my legs got more tired.  Third round, last three reps.  Ugh.  I had to press the jerk up as I didn’t get underneath the bar in rep 8.  Rep 9, I really focused on getting under the bar and it went up fast.  Rep 10, same as rep 8.  I was GASSED.  But I finished.  I was able to do 30 clean and jerks at 95# with no pain (well, no bad pain…)  Granted it was broken up – but now I really have no excuse to not do 95# next week.  Looking back, I was grateful for the push from Jarrod and Judy.


I read a book awhile ago, per my pal Katie’s suggestion called “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.”  Katie was scared of putting herself out there in a competition format.  Terrified.  Since reading the book, she has done multiple competitions and becomes more confident every time.  I have no idea how next Friday will go.  No idea at all.  I’m going to work with Jarrod to figure out a plan so I can have some control over what my rep scheme is – but really, all I can do is feel the fear and do it anyway.

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