Feel the Fear

One of my goals was do to get my shoulder better and do Grace Rx.  Craic has been doing a lot of prep for Barbells for Boobs – which they will be holding on Friday, November 1st.  I have kept it cautious and thought that if I did B4B next year, I’d do 65# like last year and see if I could improve my time.  But if you read last year’s post – my main takeaway from the 2012 Barbell for Boobs was that I couldn’t wait to do Rx in 2013.  Truth is, my shoulder is feeling better – but I am really scared.  I’m scared about hurting myself again.  I’m scared about actually doing the Rx weight and crashing and burning.  I’m scared of a DNF.  I’m scared about putting myself back on a path to being better only to have something derail my progress again.   Blargh!

Today, our workout was 3 rounds of 10 clean and jerks with 2:00 rest in between.  I was going to go the safe route and do 65#.  Jarrod, pushing me a bit – suggested I do one round at 65#, another at 75#, and the third at 85#.  But then I saw Judy L.’s bar sitting on the floor at 95# and decided to do a couple of reps to see how it felt.  It was heavy, but there was no pain when I clean and jerked it up.  I looked at Judy and she just said “Do it.  Do it!” and I thought what the hell – I would try and worse case was that I could drop the weight if the rounds became untenable.  So I started.  First round was okay.  My first rep I completely hyper extended my back. I think just getting the jitters out.  I decided to do singles and re-group at the bottom.  Not sure if that’s the best strategy – but it’s what I planned to do.  The last couple of reps in the first round got tough (Jarrod also gave me a queue to use my hips more) and then I started over thinking the clean.  Second round felt about the same as the first round except my legs got more tired.  Third round, last three reps.  Ugh.  I had to press the jerk up as I didn’t get underneath the bar in rep 8.  Rep 9, I really focused on getting under the bar and it went up fast.  Rep 10, same as rep 8.  I was GASSED.  But I finished.  I was able to do 30 clean and jerks at 95# with no pain (well, no bad pain…)  Granted it was broken up – but now I really have no excuse to not do 95# next week.  Looking back, I was grateful for the push from Jarrod and Judy.

cat-push

I read a book awhile ago, per my pal Katie’s suggestion called “Feel the Fear and Do It Anyway.”  Katie was scared of putting herself out there in a competition format.  Terrified.  Since reading the book, she has done multiple competitions and becomes more confident every time.  I have no idea how next Friday will go.  No idea at all.  I’m going to work with Jarrod to figure out a plan so I can have some control over what my rep scheme is – but really, all I can do is feel the fear and do it anyway.

If you are reading this and feel like donating to this great cause, click on the picture below and it will take you to my donation page.  Thanks!

barbellforboobs


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